Address to Oilseed Rape

(Written in the style of Robert Burns)

Ye little bit o’ yella floo’er
That drifts aboot like a speck o’stoor,
Ye really mak’ ma life sae poor in early summer
The Joys o’ Spring have turned real soor
And life’s a bummer.

For fermer lads yer very fine
They get the cash, it’s us that’s peyin’.
Wi’ subsidies a’ doon the line
They get the wealth.
For us, the doctor’s queue we jine.
We want oor health. 

For me, this yella stuff’s nae boon,
Like every ither lass and loon.
At beddin’ time I lay me doon
Wi’ pech and wheeze.

I fa’ asleep but wak’ up soon wi’ cough and sneeze.
A’ through the nicht I toss and turn
Like bairnie’s tap or weaver’s pirn.
The sheets and blankets get a churn...
I canna win.
My nose rins like a mountain burn or Reekie Linn. 

But hope is here; a Parratt chiel
Has heard o’ how ye mak’ us feel.
He will sort ye oot, ye little de’il,
O’ that I’m shair
This summer time yer fate he will seal…
I’ll moan nae mair.

Page 8, Rosyth News, 1991

Footnote - ‘Parratt’ in the poem is in fact a reference to Dr Parratt, Microbiologist at Ninewells NHS Hospital & Medical School, Dundee who carried out the Tayside study that was later published in the Lancet.


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